I really should have figured out by now that leaving the house is fraught with danger and adventure and sometimes true love and sometimes almost being hit by a car. So let me tell you a little bit about the last couple of times I have left the house. It has been…eventful.
Firstly, if you follow me on Twitter (lesleyanana) you have probably seen my pictures from Earth Hour. That’s right, yours truly willingly left the house to go celebrate the Earth. For an hour. I wouldn’t have gone, but there was free coffee and the promise of stories and also Conservation Owl was going to be there and I am a sucker for mascots with giant heads. No, really.
Anyway, so we pull into the parking lot at the Museum of Science and Tech and it is packed. There was a line up to get into the observatory, which I was pretty fine with.
“You don’t even care about seeing the stars, do you?” – Debrawr
“Not really. I’m basically just here for free coffee and Conservation Owl. Fuck the Earth! Actually, I’m going to say that a little louder once we get closer to those children. Wait…guys guys guys! I’m going to get us kicked out of Earth Hour.” -Me
“I don’t think you can get kicked out of a period of time.” – my Sopie
“That sounds like a challenge.” – Me
So then we went inside and we saw, you guessed it, CONSERVATION OWL. He was just as cool as I expected and I even got a picture with him.
Ari kept calling him “Earth Owl”, which is obviously totally wrong.
“It’s ‘Earth Hour‘ and ‘Conservation Owl.’ God, get it right.” – Me
“I know, I know, I just keep calling him ‘Earth Owl’.” -Ari
“ALL OWLS ARE EARTH OWLS!” -Me, enraged.
Anyway, after taking that excellent picture with Conservation Owl we ran into a panda. I’m not sure what he was there for. I guess one giant-headed mascot just wasn’t enough? So naturally I made people take a picture of me with the panda.
I swear I wasn’t touching him inappropriately. On the upside, I now have a current picture of me if I ever want to try internet dating.
I was feeling pretty swell by this point: free coffee, goofy mascots, good company…and then it happened. Once and a while, in this strange life of ours, we encounter moments where time seems to slow and the sheer perfection of existence is revealed to us. I had a moment like that when I met the third celebrity of the night…
Holy crap you guys, it’s the fucking mayor! Presenting Jim Watson, the third element of my ultimate Earth Day trifecta of win. This is the triple crown, folks. Like the Kentucky Derby and those other two. Who even cares about horse racing, anyway? Right, Gorg?
Telling my friend Trevs about this, his only question was why I didn’t dick-punch the mayor into fixing our transpo issues. Listen, guys, all the broken dicks in the world are not going to get us a light-rail transit system. Poor political strategy, for reals.
So anyway, that was Earth Hour. I also left the house today for a number of hours, which was definitely a mistake. I wanted to get a gym membership at my old school, but to ge the alumni rate I needed an alumni card, and to get the card I had to find the office, and the office literally does not exist. I spent 45 minutes wandering around a building designed in the seventies by monkeys on LSD before I finally (mostly by accident) got to the right place. Painful. I wanted to dick-punch Jim Watson into making Algonquin College not stupid but that probably wouldn’t have worked, either.
So anyway, I finally finally finally have a gym membership and I am excited to use it, especially since I just soothed my angry soul with about a thousand calories of Pad Thai. SO GOOD. Plus, tomorrow I get to spend fourteen hours at the hospital and as you can expect I am totally pumped. Okay, so I am actually the opposite of that thing I just said. My bad.
Anyway, I’m going to go nap angrily,