March Break

Dear Future Me,

Now that I am no longer an innocent child joyously celebrating March break like some kind of PCP-fueled raccoon, I have to say I kind of hated this week. March break is great for kids and all, but for the rest of us it really is just another week. Another week that, for no reason in particular, is really, really inconvenient.

For some reason everybody and their dog thinks they need to take this week off. I’m sorry, but why do grownups get to take March Break? “Someone’s got to take care of the kids!” you say, but I am pretty sure it would be way cheaper to stick the little urchins in camp for a week (or borrow grandparents or babysitters or neighbors) then to take a week off work just because. This is especially annoying with doctor’s offices. It is incredibly frustrating to call one clinic after another only to have them tell you to call back in a week, bitches, we are in Cancun. Also, this phone doesn’t take messages and I’m not going to give you our fax number. Suck it! Pour le message en francais, appuyer sur le 9.

Listen guys, go to work. Seriously. All of you! This isn’t a real holiday, it is just an arbitrary week. And I get that a lot of people have kids but not the entire world and some of us still have shit to do and would like to get it done this week. Not next Monday, not inexplicably in two weeks because why the fuck not, lets just take all of March off because we can. Seriously. People are sick! They need to see doctors! For the love of glove, GO TO WORK.

Also, I happen to work shift work, which means I am often randomly off at 2 pm on a Tuesday and this is usually great. I can run errands, go have lunch, and just generally conduct my business without the crush and press of every other goddamn person in the city. But not during March break. During March break, EVERYBODY is running errands at 2 pm on a Tuesday because they’ve all taken the goddamn week off. And their children are with them. Screaming, probably.

I happen to hate kids. Especially yours.

Okay, I don’t actually have a point here and I don’t really hate kids (probably). I’m not being particularly coherent and I guess I can’t make people not take weeks off for a time for no other reason than because they want to spend time with their spawn. Family togetherness is for chumps. At least, that’s how I feel.

So anyway, unjustified rage + making my job inconvenient + letting your screaming brood get in my way  = angry Leslee. Not smart or funny Leslee, just enraged. Oh well.

Also, SPRING! SPRING SPRING SPRING! Time to start doing it like rabbits.

Please leash your children and go to work,


Past Leslee.


About leslei

Listen, I like to use the eff word. If that is going to be a problem you should probably just turn this car around RIGHT NOW.
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