Dear Future Leslee:
How are things with you? Still fabulous? Still perky? No? Oh. Well then.
Things with me are pretty okay, except that I’ve misplaced my laptop mouse and using the touchpad is turning me into something angry and incompetent. Like a rabid, legless dalmatian. Or maybe a really, really evil gerbil. Anyway, the point is technology is smarter than me and sometimes it’s kind of sad. Also I like metaphors involving animals.
Future Me, did you ever get into Cool Stuff? Myself, I have no real use for Cool Stuff, be it current television, trendy fashion trendz or music with swear words. (It’s true: I mentally redub songs that use the F-word.) Part of it stems from the fact that I’ve always been super judgemental of people who like Cool Stuff, but another serious factor is simply that I don’t really get the appeal.
On the judgement front, I should probably open with a disclaimer: Hating something because it is Cool Stuff is no more superior than liking something because it is Cool Stuff. Either way, you’re letting the opinion of the masses sway you. Like people who hate Britney Spears because she’s popular: you’re not making yourself sound cool, you’re making yourself sound like a simpleton. I don’t particularly like Ms. Spears, but every once and a while Toxic will come on and I pretend to be a sexy young thing in a hot Hollywood nightclub for three and half minutes. And frankly, so do you: you’re just ashamed of it.
When I was younger, I thought everything cool was stupid, and while some cool things are also stupid things, I have had to conclude that the two are correlational, not causal. Yes, a lot of people have really, really poor taste, as far as I can tell. At the same time, I have really, really poor taste at time. For example, I like music with banjos. I like TV from the nineties. I like movies with happy endings and talking frogs. Paragon of class, I am not.
I guess the secondary problem is that it takes a lot of work to keep current with Cool Stuff, and I am a lazy, lazy woman. I’ve tried watching House, but it just makes me tired, even though Hugh Laurie makes me happy in a very inappropriate way. I don’t even want to try to watch Glee because high school was obnoxious enough the first time around, thankyouverymuch. And now I’ve seen a couple of episodes of Community and it seems fun, but if I wasn’t in someone’s living room having it fed directly to me I would never bother to watch it.
I don’t like being invested in television because the times in my past when I’ve gotten really into TV I’ve kind of lost all interested in real life. And frankly, my real life is cool, at least for me. I don’t want to be more excited about the pretend actions of make-believe people than I am about my own crazy adventures. Sure, lots of people have one or two shows that they’re super into in a reasonable way, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that I am not a reasonable person. I pretty much only have two settings: ‘not giving a shit’ and ‘giving ALL the shits times a thousand’.
Was that even coherent? Doubtful. Future Me, if you’ve managed to become eloquent over the years, congratu-freakin-lations. It was an uphill battle, I’m sure.
The reason this post is titled the ‘Anti-Hipster’ is because hipster culture (from what I can glean) is all about liking things before they are cool, and I’ve made a whole personality of liking things long after they’ve stopped being cool. Nor do I try to save face by claiming to like things ironically: I like country music. You know, like like. I like golf, because I get to hang out with my grandpa and drink at 11 in the morning. I like cartoons because I have a simple mind. I’m not embarrassed about it – it’s simply another element of my weird-ass self, and you can either go along with it or sigh heavily and walk away.
Well, start walking.