Dear Future Me,
I was seriously going to go to bed because it is already past nine o’clock and that is basically my bedtime, but then I made a cup-a-soup so now since I’m committed to staying up anyway I thought I’d write you a nice letter. And before you get all up in my grill about going to bed at the same time as a ten year-old, please remember that I intend to get up at five a.m. and spend the day getting yelled at by pregnant ladies. So basically shut your pie hole before I shut it for you. *ahem*
I should probably start off by saying that this is not really going to be about Feminism, because Feminism is a big, complicated topic with shit like facts and socially relevent criticisms and important dialogue and I think we all know that’s just frankly beyond me most days. I don’t really feel qualified to talk about Feminism because I don’t really think I am dedicated enough to be a capital-F Feminist. I only really know one Serious Feminist and she does this shit for a living. Before you start picturing some very muscular woman with large man-ish boots, I just want to point out that Julie the Serious Feminist is a hot-as-hell franco-Ontarian redneck with a taste for UFC, who is currently getting her Ph.D. in badassery. And maybe poverty. Also, have you seen the girls on this girl? Smart Mama is stacked. FYI.
All I really want to talk about today is a small, seemingly unimportant fragment of little-f feminism, which is really just a retake on the age-old madonna-or-the-whore syndrome: why does everything women do have to get categorized as either sexy or cute? Pretty much any thing a girl ever does, irrelevant of any other meaning, falls into one of those two stereotypes. Besides being narrow-minded and insulting, having your personality and actions constantly boiled down to one or the other is boring.
Listen, sometimes I’m just going to say and do crazy shit, and I don’t want anyone cheapening the crazy of the shit I do by calling it “cute” or “sexy”. For example, yesterday when I made a joke about punching that kid who wouldn’t stop screaming? That wasn’t “cute”. It wasn’t “sexy”. It was just kind of unprofessional, and somewhat inappropriate, and I am fine with that.
Or when I yell things at the fax machine? I am not being cute or sexy, I am being unhinged. I am being off-putting. I’m not saying these are particularly good things, but they are innate to who I am, and I don’t want people to take them away without my permission. Or how about when I accidentally made fun of that blind girl? Totally awkward! Emotionally scarring! But still, NOT SEXY. NOT CUTE. Totally Leslee.
Not that I am saying that it is not acceptable to be cute or sexy. I am completely in favour of both of those things, in moderation. But have you ever met girls who have absolutely bought into the cute-or-sexy ideal and are either cute all the time or sexy all the time? They are fucking obnoxious. You spend all day just looking for excuses to knife them in the kidneys. But you never do, and do you know why? Because besides being annoying as hell, they are also unbearably dull.
Also, have you noticed that girls who do manage to do things which are neither sexy nor cute are totally de-feminized? Like, have you ever met women who are nerdy without the sexy or cute elements? Do you really think of them as women? I mean that in a loving way, but the fact is that girls who are just smart or girls who are just tough or girls who are just funny seem to lose something in the process. It’s not fair.
Anyway, I think that is enough examples of all of the kind of socially unacceptable things I do in a day. Basically, Future Me, all I’m asking is that a girl can be a girl and not have to be cute or sexy. They can just be girls.
Also, I want someone to notice that my hair is wet and ask “Did you just get out of the shower?” so I can say “No, it’s milk,” and confuse the shit out of them. And it won’t be cute and it won’t be sexy. It’ll just be me. Doin’ shit. Like a boss.
This is what I think about when I should be sleeping,