Dear Future Leslee,

You know what my life is like? My life is like watching Cats for the first time. Have you ever seen Cats? It’s actually pretty boring. There are cats. They dance and sing about cat-things. There isn’t much of a plot, but there is singing and dancing and really beautiful cat-ish costumes. A lot of people really dig Cats, apparently, so it’s the kind of thing you can talk about politely in mixed company.

That’s like my life. High production value and not a lot of substance, with a little mass-market appeal thrown in. Heck, who doesn’t like cats? Crazy people.

I’m not done, though. So, imagine you’re watching Cats for the first time. You’ve figured out that there is no real storyline, but you’re digging the music and the dancing and generally having a pretty okay time. Now imagine that a number has just ended and the stage has gone dark. When the lights come up again, instead of watching catty-people cat-prance around stage you’re watching giant robots fighting on the moon and there is a four-piece jazz band playing Rammstein.

Having never seen Cats before, you can’t be sure this isn’t part of the show, even though it feels really jarring and awkward. You wonder if maybe that is the point: perhaps Cats isn’t really a joyful romp through the world of cats but is in fact a surrealist piece designed to activate your existential ennui and challenge your preconceptions about the nature of reality? Maybe everything we see and feel is a lie, and our tentative, unstable sense of permanence and importance is merely the function of an ego-driven child mind?

Or maybe you got up during the intermission and walked back into the wrong theatre and somehow completely forgot about it. Or maybe you’re losing your mind.

Still, it’s not like you aren’t enjoying this new development. You like robots. You like Rammstein. You take hearty pleasure in a good space-battle as much as the next guy. It’s just so far out of the range of what you were expecting that it’s giving you vertigo. Without a doubt you’re convinced that if Cats had a scene like this one you would have heard about it before. You can’t help but glance around the theatre furtively to see if anyone else looks as confused and uncomfortable as you. And that’s when you realize…

There is no one else in the theatre.

And you’re naked.

That is what my life is like, if you were wondering.


Past Leslee.


About leslei

Listen, I like to use the eff word. If that is going to be a problem you should probably just turn this car around RIGHT NOW.
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One Response to Life

  1. ATG says:

    And we all say: Oh, well I never!
    Was there ever a cat so clever
    as magical Mister Mistoffelees!

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